Coping with Loss: Exploring Normal, Anticipatory, and Complicated Grief

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By Jaslyn Bush | UAB Community Health & Human Services Program Intern

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Death is an inevitable part of life. Grieving a loved one can be challenging, taking years to recover from the loss. In my experience, the grieving process for a loved one is never truly over because I will always remember that person. “Grief most often gets less intense over time, but the sense of loss can last for decades. Certain events, mementos or memories can bring back strong emotions, that usually last for a short time” (National Cancer Institute [NCI], 2013). Grief feels like the process of accepting that the person is no longer alive. There are three types of grief: anticipatory grief, normal grief, and complicated grief (National Cancer Institute, 2013).

According to Stanford Parkinson’s Community Outreach, anticipatory grief is the act of grieving somebody who is still alive but, expected to pass away from sickness or other health complications (Stanford Parkinson’s Community Outreach, n.d.). From my experience with grief, I believe anticipatory grief is the hardest type of grief to go through. Before both of my grandmothers passed away due to sickness, I couldn’t get over the fact that one day, they wouldn’t be here anymore. Every time I spent time with either of them, I felt this lingering sadness that one day I would never get to see or talk to them again.

The NCI explains that normal grief occurs when an individual has acknowledged and accepted their loss and continues with their life, even though it may be difficult. Some common themes of normal grief include periods of sadness, disbelief, emotional numbness, anxiety, and distress. This can also lead to loss of sleep, hallucinations of the deceased, and loss of appetite (National Cancer Institute, 2013).

Complicated grief occurs when intense sadness/grief lasts longer than expected. According to the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT), complicated grief affects 2-3% of the population worldwide. Signs of complicated grief include constant thoughts about the deceased, avoiding reminders of the deceased, along with keeping reminders of deceased such as their pictures or belongings (ABCT, 2021). Complicated grief usually lasts 6 months or longer, depending on if the individual has social, cultural, or religious connections to the deceased (ABCT, 2021).

When experiencing one or more types of grief, I have adapted some suggestions from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) regarding what one can do who is experiencing grief:

  • Seek comfort and lean on the support of others in your network.
  • Create a positive and purposeful routine.
  • Honor your loved ones who have passed.
  • If necessary, get help from a professional.
  • If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.

Have you experienced grief before? What are some of the emotions that you felt? What helped you to overcome one or more types of grief? Please feel free to share in the comments section or post an encouraging message at the Wilkinson Wellness Lab on Facebook.

References

Anticipatory Grief. (n.d.). Stanford Parkinson’s Community Outreach. https://med.stanford.edu/parkinsons/caregiver-corner/caregiving-topics/anticipatory-grief.html

Centers for Disease Control & Prevention. (2023, May 26). Grief. https://www.cdc.gov/howrightnow/emotion/grief/index.html.

Complicated Grief | Fact Sheet. (2021, March 4). ABCT – Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies. https://www.abct.org/fact-sheets/complicated-grief/

National Cancer Institute. (2013, March 6). Grief, Bereavement, and Coping With Loss. National Cancer Institute; cancer.gov. https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/advanced-cancer/caregivers/planning/bereavement-pdq

Parents and schools can work together to improve adolescent mental health

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By Travia Martin | UAB Community Health & Human Services Student

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

Although thought to be light and carefree, the adolescent years leading into adulthood are significant to the development of a child and their preparation into adulthood. From physical health, emotional health, mental health and other domains of wellness, these years are important as young people begin to take on adult like responsibilities. According to World Health Organization (n.d.), children ages 10-19 at some point may experience health issues related to the following poor hygiene, partaking in behaviors involving alcohol and drug use, unsafe sex, abuse, and teen pregnancy. While every area of health is important for the proper development of adolescents, mental health may be one of the categories often overlooked and underserved. For example, depression and anxiety have the most impact on this age group in relation to illness with suicide being the leading cause of death among those 15-19 (WHO, 2023). 1.1 million adolescents die each year, whether it be traffic accidents, violence, or self-inflicted harm.

School health programs should be championed and supported in middle and high schools to support adolescent development. Why? First, we should consider that in the U.S., fifty-six million students spend at least 6 hours a day at school, receiving social, physical, and intellectual development (CDC, 2021). Within your community, are you aware of the programs, activities, and group organizations that offer support to your middle and high school adolescence? Supplying mental health support and assistance within schools may elevate awareness, guidance and understanding of such complex health issues among adolescents. Additionally, social media plays a role in adolescent development, because young people see and do what they are taught or have learned, picked up through observational learning while constantly viewing social media on their electronic devices.

Whether you are a parent or an educator, there are several behaviors you can implement into your home, school, organization, etc. to help support and aid the development of adolescents and their mental health. Minor changes like spending more time engaging with young people through face-to-face conversation and allowing them to express their feelings mentally and emotionally, can aid positively to overall health and well-being (CDC, 2021). Removing teens and young adults from environments or locations that are toxic and filled with trauma to more peaceful and positive environments are also important. Supporting pro-social behaviors to express ones emotions such as art, writing, or even support groups involving peers of the same age is also important. Adolescent therapy and counseling are additional tools that can support the development of their mental health and create positive influence among their behaviors and actions (CDC, 2021).

What about you? Did you experience tough times during your adolescent years? What tips would you give to teenagers and young adults today? Leave a comment here or join the discussion at @WilkinsonWellnessLab on Facebook.

References:

Adolescent and young adult health. (n.d.). Www.who.int. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/adolescents-health-risks-and-solutions#:~:text=Depression%20and%20anxiety%20are%20among

CDC. (2021, April 23). Mental health of children and parents—A strong connection. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/features/mental-health-children-and-parents.html

COVID-19 Pandemic Associated with Worse Mental Health and Accelerated Brain Development in Adolescents. (2023, January 26). National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). https://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2023/covid-19-pandemic-associated-with-worse-mental-health-and-accelerated-brain-development-in-adolescents#:~:text=The%20two%20groups%20differed%20significantly

National Library of Medicine. (2022). CHILD AND ADOLESCENT MENTAL HEALTH. In http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (US). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK587174/

Why schools? | adolescent and school health | CDC. (2021, June 8). https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/about/why_schools.htm


Reflecting on a tragic moment of civil rights history and feelings of yesterday

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Larrell L. Wilkinson | Wilkinson Wellness Lab

Photo of window at the 16th Street Baptist Church and memorial plaque honoring the memory of the four young girls killed by the KKK bombing of the the church on September 15, 1963.

I knew yesterday was going to hit me hard. During the early weeks of September in Birmingham, AL, the annual commemorations begin. This year marks 60 years since the tragic death of four little girls and the injuries of several others, during the turbulent days of the Civil Rights movement. The City of Birmingham honored the victims of the bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church on September 15, 1963, during the week of remembrance.

Working in the Birmingham area, I often drive past the historic markers of the Civil Rights movement. I can see the A.G. Gaston Motel, the 16th Street Baptist Church, Kelly Ingram Park, the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute and drive to Montgomery, AL to the Equal Justice Initiative & National Memorial, Dexter Ave. Church, the Rosa Parks Museum, and sacred sites of the movement. This year, 60 years after that fateful day of losing Addie Mae Collins, Denise McNair, Carole Robertson, & Cynthia Wesley, I know that America has made progress towards racial conciliation. I see it daily at my job, during worship occasions at my church, in visiting my children’s school, walking my neighborhood and patronizing businesses in my community. Still, exercising faith for a future that overcomes the actions of hatred manifested by individuals and groups that want to further efforts to separate us in the U.S., by race, by class, by the faith we practice, by any means that furthers their hate filled mission, that faith must be strong and resilient.

The actions of 60 years ago may seem like history to some but are very relevant to communities of people who have additional concerns when we go for a jog, shop at our community stores, or worship in our churches. Our families trade text messages to remind each other to “be safe”, “travel in groups”, “don’t travel at night”, “don’t get off the phone until you get home”, “don’t get gas at night”, “don’t stop at any stores tonight, we’ll order it later”, etc. Perhaps some if you are reading this, you might say, these sayings sound like useful tips. In contrast, others reading these words understand that these aren’t just tips, but necessary actions of life preservation for people feeling maliciously targeted due to their culture. For many, events that happened 60 years ago doesn’t feel like history, it feels like yesterday. Still, these groups of people press forward in hopes that their girls and boys will experience a society where the actions of a hateful few are no longer. Their hope is in a loving God, with the direction to love Him and to also love your neighbor as yourself (New International Version, Matt. 22: 34 – 40). It is in experiencing this form of solidarity that we can share in faith, hope, and love; love being the greatest of these (New International Version, Cor. 13:13).

Birthday challenge – donating 45 items for each year around the Sun

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By Larrell L. Wilkinson | Wilkinson Wellness Lab

Photo by Alexander Grey on Pexels.com

This year, my birthday falls on the same day that my kids go back to school. So, like many parents, I am washing clothes, packing backpacks, tucking in my kids early tonight…earlier than they have gone to bed this summer, setting alarm clocks…oh, and folding those fresh clean clothes. Yeah, you know, organizing for the back to school chaos! The Wilkinson family is working to get back into the flow of how life will be for the next nine (9) months, all three kids in school. We are folding their clothes, I am folding my clothes, the kids are working off some of their nervous energy and Man, I have a lot of clothes to fold. Stop. Why do I have so many clothes to fold? It’s summer, I work from home many days. No, seriously, why do I have so many clothes that I am folding for myself and not my kids’ clothes.

As I am folding these clothes, a thought comes to mind, “I bet you could give away forty-five (45) items to the men’s shelter.” What? First, I don’t have that many items to give away. And second, what? But then I thought about it again. Maybe I do, maybe I should. The voice: “What about your T-shirt collection?” Yep, the fabled man’s t-shirt collection where each shirt can bring back so many memories. “What about socks…the socks you haven’t worn, the new warm socks still in the package after two years?” There is more. Not only is the voice speaking to me, but earlier today my eldest daughter had the idea to fill up her old school backpack (because she has a new one for the new school year) with food and drive to downtown Birmingham to give the backpack to a person experiencing food and/or housing insecurity. I also happen to be in the middle of the clothes month of the popular book “7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess” by Jen Hatmaker. So, maybe, this idea is kind of implanted in my mind, right?

Well, I am going to be obedient.  I am going to aim for 45 items to give away and take them to the Jimmie Hale Mission in Birmingham, AL.  I have donated collared shirts, polo style shirts, dress shoes, pants, coats, etc. there before and many of the guys I interacted with were really cool.  To learn more about The Jimmie Hale Mission, please visit them on Facebook here:  https://www.facebook.com/thejimmiehalemission/.  If you feel up to giving, I encourage you to donate your gently used items to a shelter or other entities that can help others in the community.  Of course, these organizations will accept a financial contribution as well.  So, here’s my birthday wish…for each of us to spend a little time helping another person or group of persons in our own way…however compelled.  Let us know how it goes in the comments section or hit us up on Facebook: @wilkinsonwellnesslab.

You Better Believe Them

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By Reginia Dodson | UAB Community Health and Human Services Intern

In the famous words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” (Maya Angelou, 2023). Often, we as women, and most importantly black women tend to overlook all of the warning signs of a toxic relationship. This may include a romantic, friendship, or even a professional relationship.

Abuse is a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another (Team, 2021). DMost women often ignore the tell-tale signs of an abuser, Abuse comes in all forms such as verbal, physical, and financial. It can come in form of your good friend that always needs to borrow that little $40 she can never seem to pay back. It is amazing how little your $40 becomes when you dare to ask for them back. The excuses you hear when you ask to become a barrage of putdowns and make the situation even worse. Nevertheless, this is an example of financial abuse.

Next, we have the person that always has something negative to say, or makes a harsh comment that may offend us in some way. This is sign of verbal abuse. Sometimes it is easy for us to ignore these statements and signs, or to justify their reasoning behind their actions, but this behavior should not be tolerated. 

Lastly, we have the outright physical abuser. This particular person wants to physically harm you. “But it was only one time, they promised me it wouldn’t happen again “, a common yet horrific statement of those suffering from physical abuse. If someone causes us harm, we should run and never look back. Physical abuse can ultimately lead to permanent injury or even death.

You better believe them all. We should be able to identify our limitations and boundaries; and consider them often when experiencing abuse. No relationship is worth a hit to your mental, financial, or physical health so protect it at all costs.

References 

Maya Angelou quotes. (n.d.). Retrieved March 28, 2023, from https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/maya_angelou_383371

Team, R. (2021, August 24). 6 different types of abuse. Retrieved March 28, 2023, from https://reachma.org/blog/6-different-types-of-abuse/